When you begin therapy, what do you look for in a therapist? Inquiring minds want to know. Therapy may not be about the techniques used but about the connection and the dynamic between you and the mental health professional you have chosen to share your innermost thoughts with. Some people find great comfort in knowing their therapist can back up their methods with research, strictly adhering to a prescribed approach, methodically following established protocols and guidelines. Others may value a more holistic and flexible approach and go with a "feeling" kind of style.
That is the question that hopefully YOU will ask yourself. Have you, however, considered that one approach may influence another?
There’s an art to learning how to trust yourself and what feels right to you no matter what kind of therapy or intervention is offered throughout the course of your mental health journey. Please simply consider that you have the power to change your mind no matter what path you take.
I often tell my clients that if the shirt they are wearing fits, hopefully, they’re wearing it because they like it and it helps them be the best version of themselves they can possibly be (and even look). And if they didn't like the shirt, is it because it’s in need of repair or is it time to find a new one? Maybe they took the time to sew a patch or pour vinegar over it to wear it even longer and those changes actually enriched the look of those clients (while at the same time scoring a win for sustainable earth via the reuse approach to life ). Questions, questions, questions. Hearing the questions (and the answers) may help lead you to the "right" therapist (or shirt).
Maybe you start with one therapist and start having doubts. Is this really the right person for me? And there you are thinking it's best to change your mind and cancel any future sessions altogether without any explanation before moving on. After 1, 2, 3 or even more appointments, do you stay with that therapist out of "people-pleasing" tendencies where you don’t want to end so as not to hurt the therapist's feelings?
Maybe you've engaged in some of the above scenarios, and because therapy is a deeply personal journey, it’s essential to feel comfortable and supported by the therapist, regardless of any doubts you may have about the goodness of fit. The therapeutic relationship plays a significant role in the healing process. and it should be okay to evaluate how you feel about the therapy and the therapist as you go along. In fact, some therapists may even seek feedback on their approach to your care.
They may ask, formally or informally:
Do you feel seen, heard, and respected?
Do you agree with how your therapist is approaching your concerns?
Do you agree with the interventions and strategies being used to get there?
What’s important is that you feel empowered to make a change if necessary.
When considering a change, reflect on how you communicate your needs and preferences. This can be an opportunity for growth in itself. Do you feel confident in expressing your concerns and desires? This can be a microcosm of how you handle relationships and situations outside of therapy. Being honest with yourself and your therapist about what you need can pave the way for more effective sessions and better outcomes (which may include leading you to the therapist that feels like that shirt you've come to appreciate even more).
Growth and healing take time. The choice is yours. View the process of therapy as a microcosm of what you are like in the “real” world. Use it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself, your preferences, and how you navigate relationships. This self-awareness can be incredibly empowering and can lead to more meaningful and effective therapeutic experiences. Whether you stay with one therapist or explore different options, trust that you are taking steps toward better understanding and supporting yourself.
Regardless, pay attention to how you feel seen, heard, and supported during this process. A structured approach to therapy may work for you, while another may need a therapist who can adapt and flow with the dynamics of each session. Another may need that mix of both. This awareness can guide you in finding the therapeutic relationship that best supports your journey. Simply put? Go be you and let the magic (and therapy) unfold...
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